I received a request asking if I were a man or a woman. So, I do include some information about me in this blog from time to time, but mostly it is done relatively anonymously. There’s a reason for that. Many people disregard a source before considering information. They throw out the baby with the bath water. Maybe you don’t respect a woman’s voice or possibly a man couldn’t know magic because he doesn’t have a womb. I don’t know. But read the message before you deny the voice. I hate to sound like I am repeating something you heard before, but don’t judge a book by its genitals.
I remember at one of my first pagan meetings I met a couple who completely disregarded Israel Regardie as too Jewish to truly understand magic. Failing to recognize that his publications of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn material is one of the few with direct experience of one of the first HOGD groups, the Stella Matutina, and it was the HOGD, which introduced Aleister Crowley to Magic. It was Aleister Crowley’s rituals that were used to create Gardiner’s Book of Shadows. And his Wicca was the basis for like 90% of most neopagan rituals. But they disregarded everything he had to say.
These two “wiccans” missed that the four directions in pentagram ritual symbolised a return to a pre-edenic state (the four rivers that flow out of eden) and that the layout is the roundhouse of the Enochian visions. They don’t realize that every invoking pentagram they draw is of earth and they’re not drawing banishing pentagrams, but invoking fire instead. They do not recognise the second layout for the tarot that appears in A Witches Bible by the Farrars is a staple of Lurianic Qabalah and the Great Rite is just typical sexual intercourse in their hands because they have no appreciation of the alchemy of the chemical marriage.
The truth is not listened to, because they did not like its source or because it does not match what they already know. The problem is if you don’t read anything, which is different to what you already know then explain to me, how do you learn anything? Sorry to sound rude but really how can you expect to learn? Why should I say whether I have a wang or vaj when that has next to no baring on the quality of my knowledge which I hate to brag, but is damn well researched.
This is going to sound very judgemental, well that’s because it is judgemental, but I know pagans who have been practicing for 30 years and they’re still reading books about the 8 sabbaths of the year. Like they are a good basis of a coven practice, but the real work is your daily practice and your weekly practice and leaving ritual work for a month and half is not going to lead to radical change and spiritual awareness. But there’s soooo much more to learn and 30 years down the line and they’re still reading the basics. I guess it must stroke their ego to read it and say, “yes. yes I already know this. I must know everything.” Trust me they really don’t.
After a couple of years doing magic, I was reading and memorising the tarot… and struggling with astrology… reading about alchemy, Hermetics, visualising qabalah, and chakras, doing energy work, and eventually astral projection particularly through the tree of life from the qabalah.
5-6 years into my practice someone kindly helped me with the extraction and containment of negative and unhelpful spirits or energy and shamanic soul retrieval and damn that stuff led to me storing some interesting energies and helping friends realise that they had been through certain traumas and deal with them in healthy and self-empowering ways. I was sooo proud of the magical work I was doing and frankly I was really lucky because the universe had put me in the right place to release the potential of other people who were clearly there to do greater and more important things than it had in store for me. A long time into my path and I was summoning most the genii in Franz Bardon’s Evocation book, some of the planetary / olympic spirits and a few goetics. Okay my practice has calmed down substantially since then as I sought a healthier balance and more physical world benefit, but I am still able to do all these things. Still, I create nurturing environments, I give people space to reflect on their emotions and grow in their strength and intellect, I push when it is needed, but mostly just allow and at every turn I just seem to be manifesting something. So find out what gender I am and judge me based on that instead of my history of practice and knowledge. It might just be that the universe has decided that’s the way for you. In the words of the wonderful goddess Nuit, “Let my servants be few and secret.” Magic is not meant for all. The law is meant for all, but not the goddess.
I have done all this, where as sleepy Joe Bloggs from, let’s call it, “Friendly Pagan drinking moot” can’t even open certain books for the fear of a potential Christian god name or something that changes what he already knows. I pity them. I really do. But magic is made a joke in their hands.
If you’re reading this blog. You don’t need to know my gender. You only need to know what I am, what I know, and what that makes me capable of. As you read through you might figure it out. When you find out you will judge my writing based on what you think you know of me. You might even disregard what I have to say and then you will lose out. But don’t worry if that happens magic wasn’t meant to be yours. It was meant to hide from you. That’s okay. Magic is not for everyone. It’s not for those that need to disregard the writing of a man or the writing of a woman based on a tiny part of their physicality which for those us capable of rising on the planes, we know is such a small part of who someone is…
The answer will one day it may be clear to you, when you need to be guided by its answer as to what is my gender. Good luck to you in understanding magic. It’s a hard journey and magic hides from you. Often behind prejudices and closed-minded thinking, but sometimes even in a mind that seems so pure. You’re going to need all the help you can get. All I can do is water and feed the sacred art, it won’t always bloom no matter how much effort I put in and sometimes the more I put in, the more I will drown the plant. So good luck to you. Good luck to waking up to the hidden truths in the world around us. You’re going to need it as everyone does.